My Struggles and My Joys

I’ve been thinking about this new month of May and how there are so many things coming up. Summer is right around the corner and then before we know it, it will be Fall! I already know plenty of important dates and events to be planned that will cross off entries in my 2013 Bucket List. It’s going to be a busy rest of the year but I am  excited for all of it!

For a few months, my old dance teammates and I having been planning an alumni dinner formal for the entire team. We’ve been looking forward to seeing everyone dressed up together instead of wearing the usual practice attire: t-shirts and sweats. We held the event on  Friday and the turn out was better than I expected.  Even though I was helping, walking around to coordinate the night, it was a great time seeing everyone, reminiscing, laughing,  eating, and dancing.  It was worth the time and planning.

If you know me, I tend to say Yes to anyone who needs my assistance or participation in something, whether they are events,  responsibilities,  or favors. In high school and college, I was part of multiple student groups at once and juggled everything. I’m still trying to juggle responsibilities but thankfully it’s not as exhausting as it was in college. I am more than happy to be part of most things and serve others in any way I can. It brings me sort of joy. I just need to remember to not let it get to that point where I am exhausted and my eczema breaks out on my face and hands! It was like that a few weeks ago.  I don’t enjoy that part.

I need to make sure I’m not taking on too many things at once and remember my priorities. I love what I am currently part of which includes different Catholic ministries within and outside my home parish. Being part of them helps me to love others in a new way and it can be very fulfilling. I am overjoyed at times! I try to bring that joy I feel from the Holy Spirit around to my friends and work but honestly, there have been plenty of times where I feel like I’m just going through the motions, rushing, and not putting my love in everything I do.

There was a period in April where I was doing everything but not making an effort to spend time with the Lord in prayer on my own everyday. That lack of time in quality prayer really affected all aspects of my life. I was wondering why I wasn’t at a high during Easter. I’m still not there yet. It’s a constant struggle. I tend to think about too many things,  worrying about events, and watching TV shows to put off prayer.  I always have a difficult time listening to God.  Then I stay up late, wake up late and rush through my prayers again. I definitely didn’t wake up as early as I wanted to this morning. If I want to improve this, I need to discipline myself in waking up early, praying, being more productive, and going to bed at a reasonable time.

I know if I can mend my prayer time and relationship with God, my days won’t be wasted, what I put my time into won’t be so neglected or rushed, I’ll be less stressed being able to focus on myself as well, and my life will have more clarity. I know it will lead to a longer lasting joy to carry around the rest of this month of May and beyond.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice! Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near. Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians, 4:4-7)

Good Friday

I can’t even write my thoughts out for today’s first reading,IS 52:13—53:12. It just stood out to me so much more than years past.

But he was pierced for our offenses,
crushed for our sins;
upon him was the chastisement that makes us whole,
by his stripes we were healed.

What’s also amazing is that the prophet Isaiah knew this through God, hundreds of years before the first Good Friday. Mind blown. If this didn’t happen, there would be no Resurrection, no Easter. This is what Christ endured for us, this is Love. Thank You for the greatest sacrifice.

Firsts

This is my first WordPress post ever! Every Lent for the past few years, I fast from most social media sites, including the most recent one I joined . The last network I joined was Instagram. It’s always difficult in the beginning having nothing to check on my smart phone, e-mail or laptop, but later I realize I am fine without it. I can live. However, I think I also usually find a new outlet to use and thanks to inspiration from various friends,  here I am on WordPress!

Another ‘first’ I want to share is my recent first experience as a prayer leader last Friday! I joined a Catholic charismatic prayer community the fall after I graduated college. I didn’t expect joining a large community so soon but I am thankful for all the Holy Spirit has revealed to me through the community with all the events, prayer meetings, teachings, Masses, and fellowship. Being assigned a date to lead one of our Friday Singles Praise and Worship nights came as a surprise to me because I didn’t take the formal lesson on worship prayer leading required by the community. One night, someone realized we needed to adjust the schedule because of Holy Week, so we needed members to prayer lead for the extra night. My Ate asked if I could lead with a partner. I was hesitant and told her I didn’t take the class (hoping to get out of it), but she offered to teach the lesson herself as soon as possible. I agreed to do it because I knew that was God telling me I’ll be ready. I met with her soon on Sunday afternoon and the lesson went well. I understood how to prepare but of course I procrastinated for the next few weeks!

Choosing songs, working with my partner and the praise team all went easily. When it finally became the week of the prayer meeting, I got nervous and I just prayed for God to open my heart so I can just write from it. I am not going to lie, it was difficult at first. I wanted to make sure I followed the theme, scripture readings for that Sunday (5th week of Lent), and the songs we chose, but I am not the best writer (as you can probably tell by now ;] )! By prayer, reading the passages over and over, and reading meditations and reflections, and by God’s grace, I was finally able to write down my prayer reflections with plenty of time to spare. Here is an excerpt from my Contrition prayer reflection of the night :

In Sunday’s Gospel of Jesus and the adulterous woman, I can relate to the actions of both the Pharisees and woman. There are times where I am ready to cast a stone at someone with whose actions I don’t agree with. I stop but I still carry that anger in my heart and my heart hardens.  Like the woman, I go astray and do what I want because the fall into the lies this world offers. Then God changes my heart.

Jesus delivers the adulterous woman from the judgment of her accusers. He doesn’t condemn her, he tells her “Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now on do not sin anymore.” He doesn’t look upon her shame with disdain. Instead, his words bless her with grace so she may rediscover herself in his love.  He forgives her and restores her back to a life for God.

That night and Sunday’s readings were all about restoration and new life in Christ. It’s not about guilt, but knowing we are sinners and we can reform our ways through God’s grace, and He continually gives it to us.  Knowing that, the Sacrament of Reconciliation isn’t scary anymore! I am grateful to God for allowing me to lead the Praise and Worship when He planned. I hope it blessed those who attended like it blessed me. It helped me realize more that Lent is my favorite Liturgical season.

 “ where sin increased, grace overflowed all the more.” Romans: 5:20